Fuckin' Faeries - rewth's persona history - 2006/04/30 17:42yeah... i finally wrote one up. sometimes i worry bout myself. warning. it's long.
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"Fucking Faeries."
Yeah, that pretty much sums things up.
There's nothing quite like em. Flitting around without a care in the world. Rather, not a care other than tormenting poor satyrs like myself. Not that I'm a satyr anymore, but that’s skipping a bit too far too fast. We'll get there in a bit. Allow me a moment to rant just a bit.
Fucking Faeries. Sure, they look all innocent and pure. But the truth is they are nothing more than mischievous, half naked, annoying little tarts. Play em a tune on your pipes and they'll show up in moments. Hovering just out of reach, spinning and frolicking like they own the very air itself. Sing em a song and they might even fly a little closer, just enough to taunt you a little more with their perky little... ummm... features. Offer em a drink and they'll flit down and start draining your flask like its going out of style.
But Oberon be thrice damned if you reach out and try to sample a bit of the faerie dust for yourself. Next thing you know every last one of them is shrieking their heads off. Dive bombing you with acorns. Plucking single hairs from yer tail. Even knocking over your mead. I mean, Hades! Spilling the mead is just plain uncalled for!
Of course, you are reading this and probably thinking to yourself: "What kind of perv wants to get his hands on a naked little girlie that's barely larger than an apple?". Well, its not like that, you see. The little nightmares have a curious bit of magic. It's not tremendously well known, but should you ever get a good solid grip on one of those little winged lasses you are in for quite a surprise. You will be instantly shrunk down to their size. That or the faerie will be instantly transformed to your size. The stories vary a bit, but the end result is that the two of you will be evenly matched. I imagine its some sort of defense mechanism or something like that.
I promise you, it's all on the up and up. Just trying to get a little something that’s been dangled just out of reach for years. I swear its nothing inappropriate at all. At least not by Satyr standards. You want inappropriate I'll tell you bout the time my friend Bob got his hands on a pair of mermaids... But we're not telling that tale right now. Back on track.
So anyway. There I am. Just a poor little satyr, only lightly intoxicated (by satyr standards), trying to get me a little tail... err... wings, when it just landed in my lap. Literally.
Believe me, I've hatched some plans in the past that would have put Wiley Coyote to shame. Tried all myriad of traps, snares and ingenious devices. Nothing has worked. but this time around I simply got lucky. As I sat nursing away a slight hangover with a bit of scotch a falcon cried out above me. Next thing I knew a battered, half naked and fully unconscious little faerie fell out of the sky. She landed smack in my lap and lay there unmoving.
Needless to say I was little bit startled. I poked her gingerly with a finger to see if she was still alive, and to make sure she was real. Would have been just like Bob to dress up a field mouse with some butterfly wings and fling it at my feet just to see if he could get a better story than I had bout him. She stirred slightly but that was it.
So then I just sat there. It was all fun and games until I actually hand the object of my desires in my grasp. I didn't know what to do. Besides that I was still trying ot figure out why neither of us had changed size.
A few moments passed and then it hit me. I had to wake her up. Couldn't very well do anything with her in this state, least nothing appropriate. I thought for a moment and realized that when I’m feeling down on my luck, all I need is a good shot of something stiff. no, not that you pervert, I'm talking bout booze.
So I grabbed my flask, popped the top and since I couldn't exactly pour her a drink, I just doused her with the contents. Then I took a little nip for myself and set the flask on nearby log.
Sure enough, that did the trick. Getting drenched in booze is apparently not a faerie's idea of a good time. I'm not sure what the problem was, I wouldn't have complained. But the next thing I know she's screaming bloody murder. laying there in my hands, dripping wet, and pissed off beyond belief.
I've never seen anything sexier.
Course then she realized what was going on and there was a flash of light. Next thing I know, I’m shrunk down to her size, laying in the grass beside her and she's smacking me silly. The whole time she's still screaming left n right and spraying little drops of scotch all over me.
ok... that was sexier. This was just getting better.
Unfortunately the sudden size change caught me a little off balance. Unable to keep my normal steady stance under the assault of this beautiful young lass, I staggered backwards. What didn't realize as she continued to press her attack is that I had just slammed into the side of the log my flask was balanced precariously on.
It didn't end well for either of us. The heavy pewter flask fell off the log. It fell all of two feet, landed squarely on both our heads, and crushed us both into the dirt. At least it was quick. The last thing I ever saw was her face as it bent gently towards me, her emotions a mixture of beautiful rage and surprise. Her lips brushed mine and the world went black. Never really felt it, things just went dark."But right now I'm a little concerned about my pants, since I don't know where they are." - Valathina Nailo
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Rewth
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Re:Fuckin' Faeries - rewth's persona history - 2006/04/30 17:43Time passed. I’m not really sure how much time passed, being dead I didn't have a great way to gauge it. but eventually things worked out and I found myself in another body. a weak, nearly hairless, human body. I was disgusted. Well, I would have been had I known my previous history. However, it wasn't until around puberty that the memories of my previous life returned, and by then I was rather used to it. Didn’t make it any better, but at least it was tolerable.
That life was rather boring. There was one rather exciting bout when my ravings about having been a satyr and how humans were useless landed me permanently in the care of the Temple of Aesculapius, God of medicine. Kinda sucked. But was kinda nice too, they took good care of me until another such incarcerated fellow decided to strangle me in my sleep. Upon further consideration, I probably shouldn't have told him about what I did with his sister. Thankfully, I didn't tell him everything, I’m sure it would have been a lot more painful if I had.
To tell the truth I was kinda relieved when I woke up to find his hands around my throat. Figured I’d served my time and now that it was over I’d get back to chasing tail in the forests.
Of course there was no such luck. My next time around was around a century later (at least by my estimation) on some little island to the north that I never even knew existed. It would be this life that I would finally learn the details of my fate and the solution.
--- Mid 4th Century
Again around the age of twelve my memories came flooding back to me, initially in dream form. I'd been quite happy up until then, spending the majority of my time training with Oisin, son of Fionn MacCumhail to some day join his Fianna. The dreams eventually garnered the attention of Sadbh, Oisin's Mother.
She listened to me relate my past and the stories seemed to hit home. Not sure exactly why though. She said something about having once been turned into a deer, but I wasn't paying attention at the time being far to enthralled by the attention this beautiful lass was lavishing upon me.
Anyway, she spoke to the local druid for me and they came up with the answer. Apparently The Fates had decided that I was responsible for the death of that faerie, even if she was the one that knocked the flask down upon us. Stupid Fates. I guess Atropos was pissed because I cut a thread before she intended so I had to make up for it somehow.
The druid's best guess on how to accomplish this? Save the life of a faerie. Course a lot of good that would do me. I'll let you in on a little secret. Fae folk can only be seen by mortals when they want to be. So it’s pretty damn impossible to save one if you can never find one!
Fucking Faeries. Chances are pretty good I’m stuck bouncing from life to life to life waiting to get lucky and save some little winged tart from some kinda of mortal peril. Thus far it’s been largely uneventful, and generally pretty miserable.
I eventually joined the Fianna and things were pretty good. Lots of music, poetry and women galore. Didn't last very long though. A few years into it, Oisin and I got into a fight with some local ruffians over a couple cattle. It was important back then. Unfortunately Oisin didn't see one sneaking up behind him and I stupidly threw myself between them. Took a blade through the ribs for my valor.
I guess he went on to meet a bunch of Faeries, or so the legend says, married one, had little babies and met Saint Patrick a few hundred years later. So I suppose it was a good thing I saved him. But I can't help but wonder if he'd died instead, perhaps I would have met the Fae, saved one and gotten back to my life as a satyr.
--- Late 10th Century
My next time around was as a Norseman. Not bad folk I suppose, but their rough n tumble nature pretty much ensured that I'd never see a faerie within 100 miles of my given location. Things went along fairly lackluster. Just the occasional looting and pillaging and razing villages to the ground.
Eventually my band made their way to Ireland and my hopes were raised for a bit. I settled down fer a while, even took an Irish wife. Spent most my days wandering the hills looking fer any sign of the Wee Folk.
But the local people weren't too happy with us being there and eventually some guy name Brian Boru whipped em all into a frenzy against us. I managed to take at least four with me, but eventually I caught my own axe to the face. Not a pretty sight. Hurt like crazy too, not something I recommend to anyone.
--- Mid 14th Century
The Fates were kind to me the next time around, at least initially. I led a far less violent life. I grew up in southern England. I spent most my time wandering the woods, hunting with my father and trading the furs and excess meat for whatever else we needed.
Later on I moved closer to the local Lord's manor and eventually became his woodsman, in charge of maintaining his lands and forest. It was a good living, until I was sent into town to see about some new horses.
It turned out the town was infested with the plague. No one knew it yet, but a merchant had brought it in with a shipment of cloth. In my perusal of the marketplace a few fleas hitched a ride back with me, eventually leading to my demise. If only I had bathed a little more regularly.
Not a pretty or pleasant way to go. Severe headache and fever, you feel like yer burning up. Then comes the cough, eventually hacking up bloody bits of yer lungs. Tack on a seizure or two and you almost feel lucky when you die a week later.
--- Late 15th Century
Following that I was of the Nimi'ipuu, a tribe of Native Americans that would later become known as the Nez Perce. Course this was a bit before the white man made it far enough west to give us that stupid name. Which is a good thing, I never pierced my nose, nor did anyone in my tribe that I knew of. Prolly would have gotten smacked around for getting pissed off about it.
I was just beginning to settle down my flirtatious ways and start concentrating my efforts on an exceptionally pretty young girl when my life was cut a little short. It wasn't entirely my fault, I mean she was REALLY REALLY cute. I think she enchanted me into stupidity.
As a lesson to anyone reading this: Bear cubs may be cute, but they probably aren't the best gift to give a young lady. Even if like me, you were once a satyr, you can not run faster than an angry mama bear. Though you might have a better chance if you are smart enough to put down the cub before trying. I wasn't."But right now I'm a little concerned about my pants, since I don't know where they are." - Valathina Nailo
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Rewth
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Re:Fuckin' Faeries - rewth's persona history - 2006/04/30 17:43--- Early 17th Century
A little over a century later I found myself in Eastern Europe. My family was known as Rom and to some folks this was a bad thing. I never knew it as such. My family just traveled around a lot and the locals would get all pissy and chase us off. Quite rude if you ask me.
Truthfully I really enjoyed my life this time around. I saw tons of new places, met hundreds of interesting people. Life was a constant party, probably the closest to my original life as a satyr as I’ve ever found. We sang, we danced, we drank, we loved. Unfortunately, it would again be the loving that spelled my downfall.
I was in my early twenties when a fine young dancer caught my eye. She and I flirted regularly whenever our wagons brought us near. However, I soon learned that she was promised to another man. ‘Course that had never stopped me before.
One night she slipped into my tent. I protested tremendously... for about three seconds. We did many an unspeakable thing that night and I promised her that we'd run away together in the morning.
Well, we should have left right then and there though. When I awoke the next morning I found myself staring at her future husband's boot as he kicked me off my bed to the ground. I stood up ready to fight only to hear his flintlock discharge and a searing pain in my stomach. The ball blew through my spleen and shattered my spine. Death met me again within moments.
--- Late 18th Century
Next time around I grew up in a small fishing village. Spent my youth chasing girls and catching fish. Eventually found my way aboard a real ship. We were privateers, sailing the Mediterranean with letters of marques for any ships flying a French flag.
It was a life filled strife. Life on board a ship is pretty awful. The food is nasty, usually rotten. Fresh water is few and far between. Quarters are crammed to the gills with a rather rough sort of crowd. Severe injuries and even death are a common occurrence. You only see a lass when you make port, and then it’s not exactly the most pure and innocent of girl if you know what I mean. Bout the only good part was the Rum. Mmmm Rum is good.
Then one night after chasing a merchant Brig for at least a hundred leagues, a huge storm blew up from out of nowhere. In the process of lowering the sails so they weren't ripped to shreds, I was washed overboard. Shouldn't have been a problem, but it was.
One suggestion, if yer gonna spend the majority of your life on a boat on the open ocean. Learn to swim. At least the sharks didn't find me.
--- Early 20th Century 1920's - bootlegger
Spent the next round in the middle of "The Roaring Twenties". Living up the good life with free spirited women and plenty to celebrate. Then some evil bastard decided we were having too much fun. Apparently alcohol was to blame and prohibition kicked us square in the jaw.
Now, who ever heard of blaming booze for all of societies ills? Its what cures em! Talk about depressing.
Well, I've never been one to follow the rules so I started looking for ways around the system. Back when I was a satyr I mostly brewed my own, and I was pretty sure I could still manage a good batch, even without my satyr magic.
So a few of my friends and I set to bootlegging. It was amazing. The local speakeasies would buy up every drop we could make. We were hands down the most popular guys in the entire state. Could hardly walk into a joint without half a dozen ladies fawning all over me.
Unfortunately for me, we shifted our attention away from simple meads and beers. We decided to try my hand at the hard stuff. Big mistake. It tasted great, but I guess we screwed up the fermentation process. That or someone snuck something into our batch.
The morning after a heavy sampling of our first batch we all had the worst hangovers imaginable. By noon we wondered if things had gone wrong. Our stomachs felt like they were one fire. Two days of excruciating pain later, we mercifully succumbed to the poisons. Hate to say it, as slow and painful as going out was, it had been completely worth it.
--- Early 21st Century
So there you have it. Now it's almost 2000 years later. I've died of the plague, drowned, been shot, stabbed, cleaved, strangled, accidentally poisoned myself and even mauled by a bear. A good bit of variety I guess. There’s even a few more tucked lives tucked back there that I just didn’t wanna talk about.
This time around I'm a professional dork. I write "code" and "surf the internet" on these things called "computers" all day. When I get home I play "video games" and watch "television". Technology has taken some tremendous leaps forward in a very short span of time. The closest I get to faeries is playing a goofy game every weekend where I smack other folks with foam swords. Some of the girlies strap wings to their backs and flit about in semi revealing clothing.
Don't get me wrong though. It’s a good life. I still drink and flirt and party and have a good time. I've got a wife and a son and things are pretty good. But these days most folks don't even believe in Faeries. Chances of me finding one is pretty slim. I think I'm stuck here.
I miss my horns.
Fucking Faeries."But right now I'm a little concerned about my pants, since I don't know where they are." - Valathina Nailo
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SirZodiac
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Posts: 70
Re:Fuckin' Faeries - rewth's persona history - 2006/06/08 12:10Wow, you met my wife... I got to pass this off to her...
and fairies are Very fun.... or zodi's are Very slow... one or the other.
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Talisin
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Re:Fuckin' Faeries - rewth's persona history - 2006/06/08 12:33I read this yesterday, it was very cool. Almost inspires me to finally write my own.
Yup, I bet Topaz would love it!Tal
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Jazzel
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Re:Fuckin' Faeries - rewth's persona history - 2006/06/08 18:38Rewth you have talent! jazzel"what do I do?" "I do everything, I am a mom."
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Takezu
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Re:Fuckin' Faeries - rewth's persona history - 2006/06/08 19:24of pissing off faeriesIt is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. --Aristotle
Patriotism: The willing act of putting one's life & well being at risk for politicians who are not similarly disposed.
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nixxfey
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Re:Fuckin' Faeries - rewth's persona history - 2006/06/08 20:01LOL Of all the things to happen to get me to read and respond to the forums and Zodiac calls my attention to this. I don’t know whether to be pleased or amused that you blame so much on the faeries. Your tale is very well done and entertaining. I will tell you that most pixies are very hot tempered and tend to reduce people to their level; although I for one am not that small and have not played by the usual rules in a long time. I tend to make my own. Well met, and I am sure we will meet at Rakis.
Topaz
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Rewth
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Re:Fuckin' Faeries - rewth's persona history - 2006/06/08 20:07actually, we've met before. at rakis actually. bout 6 or 7 years ago before my brain went to shit. but i was just some random noob, so i can't imagine i was all tha memorable.
in fact, i think balisk is the only person that might remember me from that year, and thats only cuz i smacked him in the face with a "wrap shot" three times ina row. he got a bloody nose. i got yelled at by thor to stop throwing that shot il i practiced it more.
and thanks for hte responses. i'm glad it was well received. i'd love to see some others show up here, it was really an attempt to drive a little more traffic to the roleplay forum."But right now I'm a little concerned about my pants, since I don't know where they are." - Valathina Nailo
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Grendel
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Re:Fuckin' Faeries - rewth's persona history - 2006/06/09 07:34Rewth wrote: in fact, i think balisk is the only person that might remember me from that year, and thats only cuz i smacked him in the face with a "wrap shot" three times ina row. he got a bloody nose. i got yelled at by thor to stop throwing that shot il i practiced it more.
that's friggin' precious. lmao, I can totally see Dave yelling at you about that.Dragoon Strike First. Strike Hard. No Mercy. Hús Vetra Skald IMU
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Reverend Loki
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Re:Fuckin' Faeries - rewth's persona history - 2006/06/22 14:35sounds like a kender tale..............I'm the mighty Lion in the thicket who be spying on the wicked- Shabaz the Diciple
Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women.- Conan the Barbarian on what is best in life.
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Ryven
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Re:Fuckin' Faeries - rewth's persona history - 2006/11/15 03:21*giggle* hehe so does that make me and Rachel in the Fuckin Faeries?
i hope so *giggle*Ryven Whitewing Ronin no Wakagashira Silver belle and scribe of House Hells Belles "Remember this boy, all drawfs may be bastards, yet all bastards need not be dwarfs."
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