zumat
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dot dot dot stock - 2008/07/17 00:47
Stock Event Reminder…
Yes, this is a friendly reminder to you, the IM populace, that in just over a month, in the weekend of August 22nd and 23rd, at the usual stock event site, there will be one shining Amtgard moment, a time that defines a generation, an event so wordy it defies acronyms, gleefully thumbing its nose at you, giving you the finger, and humping your mom, in a sentence that displays numerous wanton cruelties to the poor comma, and asks for only a period to end the godforsaken torture:
Zumat’s tenth year anniversary, mega celebration, super extravaganza, once in a lifetime festival, a not to be missed event, a turbo gala of premier excitement, and entertainment… stock!
If you must, you may call it “dot dot dot stock” for short.
Gate fee is a low, low price of just 4.99!
Events at said event will be numerous but include things such as:
Three-way boat battles, (so you can tell you friends that you were in a three-way over the weekend, giggity).
Shinobi Rice War: The Battlegame (for the ninja in you!)
And…
“The Most Ninja Assassin Game EvAr!” (for the ninja in everybody but you)
Also, I’ve conned, err, asked Kat Superrrrrwow to make Dragoon-shaped piñatas as a fund-raiser, and so there will be a fundraising event called “Beat the Dragoons ‘til they break. 100% of those funds will go to the Empire. Dragoon piñatas to be beaten are Rafiki, Leo, Zumat (his own self), Goglestofin (see if you can pound that little moustache right off of him, I know CD wants a piece of that), and no beating would be complete without the show stopper, Grendel (the man, the myth, the legend, but not the Mal).
We’ll do that Saturday night.
Schedule:
Friday noon: Gate opens and “The Most Ninja Assassin Game EvAr!” starts
Friday afternoon: Setup and ditching
Friday 6:00pm-ish: Food
Friday 9:00pm-ish: ‘smores and bullshit
Saturday 9:00am-ish: Breakfast
Saturday 10:30am-ish: Three-way boat battles.
Saturday 1:00pm-ish: lunch!
Saturday after lunch: ditching, duh…
Saturday 3:30pm-ish: Shinobi Rice War: The Battlegame
Saturday 6:00pm-ish: Dinner, and Amtgard fundraiser “Beat Dragoons ‘till they break”
Saturday 9:00pm-ish: “The Most Ninja Assassin Game EvAr!” ends, I award the sword, and we start hanging out.
Sunday morning: go the eff home, get a shower.
As I said before, food will be simple, filling and easy to eat. (So, many, commas.)
Games:
Shinobi Rice War: The Battlegame
Two teams of ninja must fight to see who is the dominant ninja clan in the IM.
There will be two bases, enclosed, which will be the spawn points for the teams of ninja. There will also be a third point where special “ninja bombs” will spawn.
The ultimate objective is for one ninja team to blow up the other ninja team’s home base.
Each team will get to choose one “ninja magic” user, and one “ninja enforcer” (a continuously berserk ninja)
The “ninja bomb” takes thirty seconds to set up, and must be set up inside the opposing ninja team’s home base. The ninja who finally lights the bomb always dies… brave soul that he or she is.
Neither the ninja enforcer nor the ninja magic user may set up the bomb.
Each opposing team’s home base destroyed nets your team one point. Game is played to best of five.
Every ninja has infinite lives
All other usual “Shinobi Rice War” rules apply. If you don’t know what those are, all will be explained before play starts.
“The Most Ninja Assassin Game EvAr!”
This is an assassin game where the use of fighting prowess is penalized, and the use of stealth, trickery, traps, and outright bullshit is rewarded.
Melee combat is to be avoided – it is inelegant, boorish, and totally opposed to the philosophy of a “true” ninja assassin.
Now, traps, poisons, and hiding out in a tent for six hours just so you can slit someone’s throat while they sleep… that’s genius. (and should make for an entertaining game.)
The basic rules are this: devise some safe, non-destructive way to simulate an instrument of unsafe destruction. For example, an Amtard-legal 18” dagger replaces a real dagger, and powdered sugar replaces, oh I don’t know, anthrax or some other virulent, deadly chemical. An alarm clock becomes a bomb, or a nerf gun becomes a firearm. No airsoft! (looking at you, Chuck.)
I’ll take this opportunity to stress how important safety to your target and your target’s belongings is. If you think your trap or stealth-kill might be unsafe or destructive, don’t do it.
This is a game of honor, so I do expect the people playing to be honest (at least to the reeves) about being killed. Ninja must have honor!
You must announce your target (to a reeve) before you kill him or her.
Kills are to be made one person at a time; mass kills are so not ninja! Innocent bystander deaths will not be tolerated, and will deduct from your score, heavily.
Ah, the scoring! Yes, you have infinite lives, so you are not out when you die, however, you cannot assassinate anybody for an hour. If you set your trap up before you die, it still works. Myself and another reeve will keep point totals in a notebook.
Scoring is done thusly:
Just walking up and stabbing somebody – 1pt
If that somebody sees you and you fight to the death – minus 10 pts.
Cojones (bravery) in pulling off a kill – plus 10 pts.
Decent trap – 5 pts.
Elegant trap – plus 20 pts.
Exceptional treachery or duplicity in making the kill – plus 15 pts. (it’s good to be a lying bastard)
Killing a bystander, even if you kill your target – minus 40 pts.
Acting like a douchebag/poor sportsmanship – minus 40 pts.
Getting caught lying to the reeve – immediate forfeit, if we can’t trust you to play straight with us, you can’t play.
I will be acting as a reeve, so questions are welcomed. However, I will also be playing so there will be at least one more person (Grendel has volunteered, three reeves would be ideal) to help me rate the safety of your devices. (that way, you can still use them on me)
Also, some safety and legality issues have been pointed out that require me to add the following rules:
No entering an occupied restroom.
No entering an occupied tent.
If you lay in wait, well, that’s their fault for not noticing you…
If you have any questions, feel free to post them or to email me and ask.
The winner gets a pimp-ass ninja sword.
Directions to the site will be posted right here as soon as I get them. I’ll do it soon.
Did I forget anything other than directions? Let me know, here, or by email at, jodydrake@gmail.com.
Other than that, bring your asses to:
Zumat’s tenth year anniversary, mega celebration, super extravaganza, once in a lifetime festival, a not to be missed event, a turbo gala of premier excitement, and entertainment… stock!
And save some of these innocent commas…
z
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just $4.99! 
